BECOMING THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF…
USING YOUR GROWTH MINDSET TO OVERCOME THE OPPOSITIONAL CURRENT…
When trying to achieve or accomplish something, it often feels like we are up against a tidal wave of current, forces that are beyond our own control…
“Going against the current ‘’ often involves opinions from others, giving you advice, pulling you this way and that way until you’re like a goddamn spinning top toy in a damn Tornado…
Not to mention, your “friends” or even loved ones start to get uncomfortable because your new way of thinking and ACTING might foul up your own world and guess what, it might start to foul up theirs too.
People get so uncomfortable, that they start talking behind your back or actually at you with their “helpful” suggestions.
Opinions of the people around you are trying to push and pull you away from your destination, they’ll say stupid shit like “you can’t do it, you’re making a mistake, you’ll fail, let’s be realistic…etc.”
The more unique and out of this world your idea or life purpose is, the stronger the pushback can be. And why? Well because the other people in your life have become used to relating to you as a “specific” type of person.
So anytime you attempt to break out of that mold, you’re not only messing with your own world, you’re messing with their universe too.
This is REALLY WHEN you see who your real friends are and who in your family or circle of life are there to be counted on.
If other “friends” began to talk shit behind your back or really aren’t supportive of your pathway, just merely ignore them, it’s not worth the time and energy to engage.
There’s a great phrase that we should all live by: Sometimes you have to ignore, unfollow, or block people online and in real life, your future might depend on it.
The OPPOSITIONAL CURRENT just doesn’t come from other people, it can come from your own mind too. I can’t even count of how many times my own brain wants to start talking shit to me and saying:
“this isn’t going to work, how about we just sit on the couch and sleep and then do it.”
“you’re a failure man, you weren’t born to do this, you’re too basic, you’re not smart enough.”
“that person was born special, with special gifts, I was not, so I’ll just sit here in my comfortable shell on my comfortable couch and slowly die.”
“Look at that girl, she would never go for me, I have nothing to offer her.”
“Nothing is working for me, nothing ever does, I just try a bit, I fail, and I go back to my shitty life with my shitty job, I guess that’s life, right?”
Carol S. Dweck, a prestigious Child psychologist noted this in her Book Mindset: The book on Success as being of the “Fixed Mindset,” a mindset where the brain has taught itself, often from childhood, on how to make excuses, keep us in the comfort of our little worlds, and never dare to venture or challenge ourselves.
What’s even crazier, is some schools and social environments that we were brought up in somehow almost brainwashed us to be in this “comfort zone” and to not venture out of it.
Think of it like a “survival” mechanism that your own brain has adopted, because where you don’t venture, you won’t be harmed, and you’ll be safe, in your little safe bubble or cocoon.
This is literally how the human brain develops this sort of FIXED mindset. It’s literally a scientific FACT, which is even more disturbing. But that’s psychology and science on the human brain.
Think about the FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real…
Our human brains can think of the worst possible scenarios of what might just happen if we even went up to talk to a new woman or man that we find attractive. We might start to think that we could literally die if it all goes wrong. I found myself in this state once or twice before approaching women and it’s really absolutely ridiculous.
This isn’t something to really laugh at, studies show that more than half of young adults ages 18–35 actually can suffer from this Fixed Mindset and would rather not deal with the possibility that they could be rejected in the process of meeting someone they find attractive.
Or just staying put, in their “safe zone” is much more convenient than searching for that new job, or even trying something new. Just the thought of it even can overwhelm many people and then we panic, shut everything off and go back to hiding.
When we are in this FIXED mindset, we might fail at something and then just justify it as “SEE, I TOLD YOU SELF, YOU KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN ALL ALONG, WHY EVEN TRY!”
Dr. Dweck mentions that even throughout life, we can be stuck in the mindset forever and never reach our full potential, often never taking any action on hopes and dreams, or even taking action on something as little as trying a new hobby or activity that might stimulate our minds.
Nope, we might read about it a little, try it out for a bit, but then when things get challenging or it puts us out of our comfort zones, we retreat and run back to our old mindset that kept us comfortable and safe.
Taking action regardless of how shitty you feel is probably the best advice one person can give another…once you start doing so, your relentless pursuit of who you are and what you want to become, clicks into gear.
And then, the rest doesn’t matter.
That FEAR of not knowing, the SELF-DOUBT and all that other self-defeating shit seems to disappear. It’s really one of the most MARVELOUS life-hacks I’ve opened recently.
I want to tell you a quick story…
There once were 2 brothers born, identical and with that birth came a debilitating disease of the arms where basically, neither of them had much use or movement in one of their arms, being born with the stupid label of “disabled.”
Well, one brother was constantly clinging to this LABEL as a “disabled person” and the other brother saw this as a minor set-back but also one of opportunity.
While the first brother would always wallow in self-pity, cling to any drugs and sympathy he could, eventually getting so self-low, trying to commit suicide…
The other brother used his wits and relentless pursuit to read, join groups, discuss, and INVENT something of which we later would call a prosthetic leg/arms.
THAT’S RIGHT!
Now before you go searching around if this story is true or not, just try and grasp the moral of the story here.
While one brother just CLUNG to what his brain might have been telling him every single day, just giving up, throwing pity-parties and never looking to ACT on some type of solution…
The other brother constantly engaged and would actually TAKE ACTION and used it as motivation to relentlessly pursue his dream of having a working and functioning arm.
He didn’t sit there and listen to his brain that constantly told him “you’re just like your brother, you’re not a functioning ‘normal’ person, you are a stump, you can’t do it, who the hell is going to listen to you anyway,” and all the self-defeating shit that comes with self-pity.
The MORE IMPORTANT lesson here is this: IF EVERY SINGLE PERSON CLUNG TO THEIR BRAINS AND WHAT IT TOLD THEM THEY COULDN’T DO OR JUST GAVE UP, WE’D NEVER HAVE THE INTERNET, PLANES, ELECTRICITY, SMART PHONES, CURES FOR DISEASES ETC…
Yes, I’m screaming at you. Because that’s literally the damn truth…
The only difference these great people have from everyone else is this: they would ACT upon something, even if their brains or others constantly told them not to, there was too much truth and purpose behind their pursuits.
Maybe it was in their hearts, deep down they knew something could be more, or that growth could occur as long as they kept at their relentless pursuit, defeating this oppositional current.
Dr. Dweck then refers to this concept as a GROWTH mindset
The growth mindset is one in which regardless of outside forces, regardless of trials, regardless of anything that might try and deter them from finding their truths, or achieving success, they constantly would act upon their intuition that something more had to be.
It is this growth mindset that people of great achievements such as Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, or even Wilma Rudolph, hailed the “fastest woman on Earth” after she won 3 Gold medals @ the 1960s Rome Olympics…
Let’s quickly check her out…
A GROWTH MINDSET STORY ABOUT THE GREAT WILMA RUDOLPH
“Let’s take a quick look at Wilma, who was far from anything physically overpowering as a youngster. She was a pre-mature baby, the 20th of 22 children, and constantly a sick child.
At 4 years of age, she nearly died of a long struggle with double pneumonia, scarlet fever, and polio! Emerging with a mostly paralyzed leg, Doctors even gave her little hope of ever using it again.” Mindset: The New Psychology of Success Pg. 87–88
This child would then pursuit eight damn years of physical therapy just to try and get her leg to work properly
It was through her GROWTH mindset, that she believed in her heart, mind, her entire fiber of being that she would go onto not only walk, but sprint past her competition
Just think if she wallowed in self-pity, or gave up on even trying because of labels or everyone telling her “that’s just the way it is!?”
Absolutely not, she wasn’t going to have it that way and the years of pain, years of failure, years of falling, while trying to walk catapulted her relentless pursuit of her dreams which was to run in the Olympics.
Pretty remarkable right? Well, it’s just one true story of an average human on this Earth that was able to overcome the oppositional current, no matter what it might be, she would die trying to overcome the pushback in her life.
No, I’m not saying you have to be some star NBA player, or an Olympian to be a “success,” but what I am trying to say is, no matter what cards have been dealt to you in your situation, no matter what, we can choose to sit in a fixed mindset and let it be, or use the growth mindset that all of us have and activate it every day to be a better person or strive for our personal greatness.
You might have dreams and aspirations of becoming an artist but you’re like me and can’t draw for shit. While some might not have any personal desire to become an artist like myself, if this is your dream, what steps and actions have you taken to become better?
Some suggestions might be to search on the web, join a Facebook group who always talks about tricks and hacks to become a better artist. Go onto Youtube and watch videos of beautiful artists sharing their gifts. The internet is a crazy place, but the one good it can bring is sharing knowledge and valuable information on how to become great at something.
Seek out a local Artist “club” for beginners in your local area and join the pursuing artists, become immersed in your craft. A kicker in this is, you might even meet and discover new and exciting people who will become your friends (or who knows, a future boyfriend or girlfriend).
Personally, I prefer meeting new faces and enjoying things with others in an actual, real-life setting, because it constantly makes me engage with humans and work on my social skills.
I could write another 3000 words on why relationships are failing b/c lack of real-life interaction but I won’t open up that can of worms, just yet…
LET’S CONCLUDE HERE…
These are just a few suggestions but I’m sure you could sit down and list out 20 other ways to pursue your passion, the only thing left is, TAKING ACTION on joining these places or meeting these new people and groups who want to work with you to accomplish your craft or love for whatever it is that you find purposeful.
The Oppositional Current is always going to be there…the voices in your head, the external pressures and factors to try and sway you this way and that way. Don’t give in, hold onto your dreams and aspirations, but furthermore, take the necessary steps, even baby steps in finding the right pathway to achieving these dreams by taking physical action in achieving them.
Go out, fail at it, but fail forward…don’t “have enough time?” How about using the evenings when you want to watch Netflix? Maybe substitute that time for sitting for an hour or 2 and working on your dream. Or how about getting up an hour early, turning on the coffee, sit your ass down and start drawing, writing, hitting the gym, or whatever task you might want to accomplish.
No matter what your mind might be telling yourself in the moment, tell it to fuck off and start creating momentum of ACTION and then start to notice your brain change it’s tune.
Pretty soon, you’ll be sitting there smiling and enjoying it as it tells you: “wow, you got this, you might actually be onto something!”
It takes 66 consecutive days to form a habit. I CHALLENGE you to take this approach every day and work on something (Kaizen) for at least an hour, in the morning or evening and watch your brain start to change it’s tune…don’t believe me? DARE to try it…?
